Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : October 2010

Use a supportive tone to motivate others

Don't convey frustration with those who haven't performed up to par. Instead, soften your language to motivate them.

Condescending
Your meeting report is a bit dull and seems to confuse many of the key points. If you don't understand the issues, then you'd better talk to the program directors.

Supportive, motivating
You may want to make your meeting report more compelling and talk to the program managers to further clarify some of the key issues.

Keep words flowing

Flow interrupted
Please identify which entry-level positions need to be filled so we can begin recruiting before the end of the year (such as service managers, account reps and bookkeepers).

Smooth flowing
Please identify which entry-level positions need to be filled (such as service managers, account reps and bookkeepers) so we can begin recruiting before the end of the year.

Trash unneeded words

We often write too much text--maybe a result of years of schooling when we were pressured to produce documents with a minimum number of words.

Wordy
After conducting a meeting with the account supervisors, we performed an analysis of this year's fees and completed the development of the 2011 budget.

Concise
After meeting with the account supervisors, we analyzed this year's fees and completed the 2011 budget.

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Find the usage error!

Correct the error in the paragraph below and email Jack with grammar in the subject line. The answer will be published in the next newsletter.

Real estate is booming in Athens, Ohio, where single-family homes increased by 40% in the past six months.

Answer from last newsletter
Bruce was distraught over not getting promoted to regional vice president. He believed that his experience easily surpassed Karen's, but she got the job.

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