Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : November/December 2011

With proposals, tap hot buttons

Whether you're promoting an idea to your supervisor or new business to a prospect, appeal to the reader's trigger points.

To VP of HR (hot button: save time)
By investing in this new HR application, we can improve usability for administrators, supervisors and others and enjoy greater information flow across the organization, thus saving 5,000 people hours a year.

To prospect (hot button: increase revenues)
Our sales training program, which offers high-impact reinforcement and improves field behavior, will help reps close 25% more leads and boost your revenues $500,000 within six months.

Be concise-trash those words!

Wordy
She has outstanding management and leadership skills. These qualities have enabled her division to increase revenues by 15% in just nine months.

Concise
The department lacks an adequate password policy, posing a threat to security from unauthorized access to private data.

Put parenthetical text immediately after what it's describing

Text in parentheses out of place
In 2012, we should offer several training options to satisfy the needs of various groups of employees (e.g. live webinars, online self-study and classroom).

Parenthetical text flows
In 2012, we should offer several training options (e.g. live webinars, online self-study and classroom) to satisfy the needs of various groups of employees.

Find the grammar error!

Correct the error in the paragraph below and email us with "grammar" in the subject line. See the answer in our next issue.

After meeting for two hours, the executive team decided that offering three new concessions were not in its best interest.

Answer from last issue

ABC Corp. decided to shut down several warehouses in the Midwest. These include a complex of five buildings in St. Louis, which has serious safety issues.
Since complex is singular, has (not have) is the correct verb.

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