Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : March/April 2011

Write complete emails to be more productive

Avoid unnecessary emails back and forth with specific replies that include key dates.

Inbound email
Let me know if you can submit the third quarter budget by May 1 and if you need any information.

Your reply
Please email me the analysis of the first quarter budget by Apr. 16 and I'll submit the third quarter budget to you by Apr. 25.

If dates aren't specified, the reader may need to email questions such as "When do you need the analysis" and "When will you submit the budget?"

Lose the buzz

Overuse of buzzwords can make it appear like you're trying too hard to impress the reader.

Too much buzz
I'm not sure Pete Laslow has the bandwidth to handle this new position, so we should schedule a dialogue to discuss.

Straightforward
I'm not sure Pete Laslow has the experience to handle this new position, so let's schedule a call to discuss.

Be more decisive with action verbs

Come across more decisively with powerful verbs.

Wordy, indirect
Before we give authorization for a new hire, the district manager and HR director must each conduct an interview with the candidate.

Powerful
Before we authorize a new hire, the district manager and HR director must each interview the candidate.

Don't use however as a conjunction

You can't use however as a conjunction (such as and, but & while), which joins two clauses.

Incorrect
Your proposal was concise and well-organized, however, you omitted several key strategies.

Correct
Your proposal was concise and well-organized, but you omitted several key strategies.

Or you may use a period or semicolon to separate the sentences: Your proposal was concise and well-organized; however, you omitted several key strategies.

Find the grammar/usage error!

Correct the error in the paragraph below and email Jack with "grammar" in the subject line. See the answer in our next issue.

The director contends that our inability to offer comprehensive orientation sessions, clear job descriptions and experienced mentors to our new hires contribute to our high attrition rate.

Answer from last issue

Incorrect
According to the CFO, the proposal fell short of the Board's expectations. He said that it omitted several principle concepts, exaggerated our strengths, and misled readers about third-quarter sales goals.

Correct
According to the CFO, the proposal fell short of the Board's expectations. He said that it omitted several principal concepts, exaggerated our strengths, and misled readers about third-quarter sales goals.

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