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Writing tips newsletter Previous issues Subscribe Email:

Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : June 2009

Soften criticism with the right words

Harsh, condescending

Your email totally confused me. From what you wrote, there's no way I can tell which clients should get rebates and which should get credit for future purchases!

Softer, more inviting

Please clarify which clients should get rebates and which should get credit for future purchases.

Keep words flowing

Breaks up natural rhythm of text

This fall, sales reps will target prospects in key southern states to generate more leads and increase revenues. These states include Oklahoma and Louisiana

Flows smoothly

This fall, sales reps will target prospects in key southern states, including Oklahoma and Louisiana, to help generate more leads and increase revenues.

Divide bulleted text into categories

Too many bullets at once

• Plasma TVs
• Refrigerators
• Air conditioners
• Vacuum cleaners
• CD-rom drives
• Modems
• Camcorders

Bullets separated into categories

Below are the key products to market this fall.

Appliances

• Air conditioners
• Refrigerators
• Vacuum cleaners

Home entertainment

• Camcorders
• Plasma TVs

Computer accessories

• CD-rom drives
• Modems