Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : June/July 2011

Trash unneeded words

Too much trash
Everyone who is working on the VL Industries account should be able to recognize any of the potential obstacles that may arise, and also be able to promptly respond to this client's inquiries over the course of the next two weeks.

Concise
Everyone working on the VL Industries account should recognize potential obstacles and promptly respond to this client's inquiries over the next two weeks.

Stress the positive

Wherever possible, emphasize the positive rather than the negative.

Negative
If you don't complete the budget report by Aug. 1, our division head will be very unhappy.

Positive
Please be sure to complete the budget report by Aug. 1 to keep our division head happy.

Don't leave out that needed "and"

Incorrect
Before conducting business in Asia, we should consider factors such as market potential, regulatory environment, political and economic stability.

Correct
Before conducting business in Asia, we should consider factors such as market potential, regulatory environment, and political and economic stability. (The first and joins the three major ideas.)

Use active verbs to be more convincing

Dull
We need to get our revenues to increase by 20% so that we can go forward with the expansion plans for the three new regions.

Convincing
We need to boost revenues by 20% so we can expand into three new regions.

Find the grammar/usage error!

Correct the error in the paragraph below and email Jack with "grammar" in the subject line. See the answer in our next issue.

We're lucky to have such an outstanding leader. As the president since 2004, Laura Lambert's innovative ideas have helped transform our company from a struggling start-up venture to a thriving corporation with 400 employees in six offices nationwide.

Answer from May issue

This report will be much easier to complete than the one last month, because there are fewer documents to review. For the April report, we had to sort through a 40-page analysis and dozens of other documents ranging from 10 to 15 pages each. (For items that can be counted, use fewer, not less.)

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