Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : November 2007

Explain purpose & action step

Get readers' attention by immediately explaining the purpose and the desired action:

Please review my evaluation of the three proposals to improve server security, and email me your top choice by Oct. 30.

Buzz off: use simple words

Instead of pseudo-sophisticated buzzwords, use straightforward text:

Buzz

We need commitment from every team member to actualize our 2008 goals.

Straightforward

We need commitment from every team member to achieve our 2008 goals.

Temper criticism of others' ideas

Point out flaws in others' suggestions without being condescending, building on the positives whenever possible:

Condescending

Your proposal to bring section managers to a full-day retreat is way off base. There's no way on this Earth they'd give up a Saturday.

Builds on positives

Your proposal to bring section managers to a full-day retreat is a good way to get them together, but they may not want to give up a Saturday. Maybe we could schedule two half-day retreats on weekday mornings.

With press releases, use substance over hype

Nothing turns off editors like hype words (e.g. revolutionary and greatest) with no substance to back them up, so write text that clearly explains the advantages of your product.

Hype without substance

CY Industries� new revolutionary employee benefit software is one of the greatest systems ever created for allowing clients and their employees to access data more efficiently.

Clearly explains advantages

CY Industries' new employee benefit software enables clients and their employees to access data in a single secure location, so company information can be communicated faster and more accurately.

Grammar tip: affect vs. effect

Use affect as a verb, and effect as a noun:

Jim's mood affects (verb) his performance.
Jim's mood can have a negative effect (noun) on his performance.

There are exceptions to this rule, but they rarely come up in business or PR writing.

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