Business Writing Tips e-newsletter : April 2008

Trash wasted words

Delete words (below in parentheses) that just take up space and don't contribute to your message.

The President of the Southwest Division is pleased with the new distribution center (located) in Santa Fe.
We lost three major clients during (the course of) the last fiscal year.
To complete the audit on time, division heads should work (in conjunction) with the accounting team.

Don't be part of the "I" generation

Avoid beginning every sentence with "I." Try different words so your text flows better.

Too many I's

I discovered nine billing errors from our team in March. I find this to be unacceptable. I urge you to double-check invoices before mailing. I need each of you to commit to eliminating all billing mistakes by June.

Flows better

Our team made nine billing errors in March, which is unacceptable. I urge you to double-check invoices before mailing. Each of you needs to commit to eliminating all billing mistakes by June.

Grammar tip: Don't dangle your participle

Never use a noun that doesn't match the phrase right before it (the dangling participle).

Incorrect

Being an avid football fan, the Jets have disappointed Todd for the past five years. (Todd is the fan, not the Jets.)

Correct

Being an avid football fan, Todd has been disappointed by the Jets for the past five years.

Be clear, or else...

See the double meaning in each of these notices from church bulletins.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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